June 28, 2024
When a parent or sibling is newly bereaved, the deceased child’s/sibling’s place in the family is open and bare. No matter which way you turn, you are each confronted with this gaping wound of grief. It’s all that you can focus on. They are simply gone. Their place is now empty.
The rest of the family members will need to relearn how to engage with each other around this new and immense loss. You are all without this person that provided so much to each of you and served as an integral part of your whole family.
Our daughter once asked me, “How do I fill his space?” I replied, “You do not. It is not your responsibility to fill his space. You need to continue to be our Katrina. That is all we need you to be. You have your own space to fill.”
Over time, the three of us unknowingly took on some of Josh’s best traits while reconnecting in a new way. We learned to be more patient with each other and we learned how to focus on what we still have. Some ideas of how we supported Katrina and how other parents supported their surviving children, can be found here.
Josh’s space in our family and in each of our hearts still remains. His memory resides there now. Over the years, we have found ways to include his memory in our daily lives.
Josh’s space now holds a sacred collection of funny stories, endearing memories, and the very best parts of him. It often serves as our true North on the moral compass of kindness.
I promise you; the open and painfully empty space becomes so softly familiar; you cherish it and all that it means to your family. Their place in your family is sacred and forever. Their memory is indelibly etched in your hearts.